Tuesday, May 12, 2009 11:28 AM
im
slightly better? yeah, just slightly.
though i could still talk & laugh a little at random jokes and funny stuff last night with him & his friends,
deep inside i still felt like a loser.
im no longer disgusted by anyone, which isn't the case yday,
but now, im just disgusted & damn irked by the things done, and probably said,
like..
"
chocolate this movie, nice lah... the girl's fighting skills really powderful. how good will it be if i got half of her fighting skills.... i wonder.... home after movie. tired lah. and i found a new position to put my hands already. so comfortable sai..."
PUT WHERE. fuck.
(
BTW BOYF, it's 'something something SIA', not SAI. sai is shit. now i know where u picked that up from. -.-)
&
"
under my block for that old man to rest a while before him and me go back home to sleep. another guy who know im scared of tickling."
well, i dont know and will never know right? disgusting.
since it's one year ago i shall take one year to try & forget luh ok?
so anyway.
i managed to convince myself that i aint perfect and i cant expect a boyf with a perfectly clean record either. i could only constantly remind myself not to remember, which is like duh?!
"jasmine, dont remember about the time so & so fell down and landed face first on a pile of shit."
yeah get my point? if i try to remind myself not to remember, im actually refreshing my memory,
however if i dont, it just kept appearing, all the things i read.. they form up images in my brain, very very tiny brain. whatever words that you say now, i would always link them up.. and back to square one, i STILL feel like a fucking loser at the end of the day.
my friends & even my mum said i should just let this time go.
"for it was all in the past & shouldnt be brought to the present."true.
well. said n done anyway.
i could only pray that i dont bump into anyone or anything that would remind me of this incident.
and that i wont dig up more the next time round.
just want to forget forget forget.
but its damn hard for jasmine to forget something like that.
damn hard. i have superb memory & sometimes its not a good thing.
at the end of the day. you are still my boyf & i still love you.just dont expect me to be in a happy mood from now on.
im not in class. i woke up late, expected.
probably just start doing up my report writing and wait for boyf to wake up then head down to shatec with him, thats if he wants anyway.
arghhhhhh.
fuck spider.
